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Those that know me...know the relationship between me and my biological mother is love/hate....this song may not be about family but there is a few lines that hit home for me.
"And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you"
You are my mother and it should not sting so badly when we visit or talk to each other. I needed you growing up and damn if I don't need you now. But I ask myself why?...I had a great role model - Sheryl - may she RIP.
"If u wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go"
Growing up, hardly ever did you say "I love you" "I'm proud of you". I never felt wanted. Your boyfriends were more important. If you truly cared, you would have believed me when I said he raped me...you would have looked for me when I ran away.....but instead, you just let me go. But still, I find myself needing you, wanting to call for advice or to just say hello. And I ask myself why? Do you even think of making an effort to call me?
"You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance"
Parents are supposed to be there. They are supposed to love unconditionally. But with you - all LIES. Straight A's in school wasn't good enough. Quiet unless spoken to - wasn't enough. Chores completed - not good enough. Always had to put me down and tell me "you can't do that" or "you won't succeed"....But still, I miss you. I want to hate you. But mama Sheryl told me not to burn the bridge with you. And I promised her before she died and left this world that I would always leave the door open for you....But days like today, I ask myself why? I have a degree and working on my second degree and you are still not proud of me...
"When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night, I sing this song"
Can I even move on from you? Is it right to move on. It would mean breaking my promise to Sheryl...SMH I cannot do that. I have to honor her if anything...Love and trust can be destroyed by friends, family and lovers...but I think it hurts worse when its family...
"You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me"
Did you ever care? Does it even matter?
"How is it you'll never notice
That you are slowly killing me"
I love this song it says a lot and it's deep. I am thankful for where I am in my life right now and I'm strong. Despite everything you did or didn't do. Growing up it truly felt that you were slowly killing me. But here I am - I guess I'm better because of it..... I love you Mother but I also hate you... in the end I'll always love you......Just wish you felt the same.....
Today started out well. I get to work, log into VR, hoping to chat with friends between meetings. Well, first not many I know or chat with are on...then when they do come online, my keyboard won't work, mouse won't move. I detach the keyboard...I try charging it...I call tech support and they inform me that the life of the battery is probably gone...GRRRR. So, I go and by take it to the techies. And they fix it. IDK what they did, maybe new battery, IDK. I am not a techie. I told them that for the last month or so I could be using the keyboard then all of a sudden it stops working and only touch screen works, especially if the laptop goes into "sleep" then I try to use it. But this is the first time NOTHING worked. Not even touch screen. Thank goodness for warranty. At least it is fixed now. Note to self - I need new tablet/laptop. lol This thing is like 5 years old....lol
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